Since I was a little girl, one of my favorite Christmas songs has been Oh Come, Oh Come Emmanuel. I don’t know exactly why. I don’t ever remember really understanding the lyrics as a kid. I just remember always singing it at church at Christmas time. Maybe it was the tune. Maybe it was the feeling of Christmas. But just maybe, my soul knew a longing for a Savior to come near to me long before my conscious could recognize it.
If you keep up with my blogs, you know that feeling the nearness of Jesus has been a struggle in my life lately. It’s something that both my soul and my conscious definitely long and thirst for, but has just felt so out of reach no matter how hard I try.
Oh come, oh come, Emmanuel.
Oh come, oh come, God with us. Not just a beautiful song to sing at Christmas time, but a prayer I have found myself praying quite often lately.
Lord, reveal Your nearness to me and fill me with Your comfort.
This month, I’ve been working through an advent study by the Daily Grace Company called “Awakening Wonder: Experiencing the Nearness of Jesus.” I am EXTREMELY behind on it, but there’s definitely grace in knowing that the Lord meets me exactly where I’m at even when I don’t live up to expectations. And honestly, I’ve been able to sit and savor it a little more rather than trying to rush through it even though I won’t have it done by Christmas day.
Week 1 focuses on hope, something that I’m needing desperately right now. This study begins in Genesis and goes through the peoples’ waiting, longing, and hoping for the birth of the Messiah and beautifully showcases how the Lord’s presence has filled the earth from creation to now.
I have found great comfort in a few of the stories I’ve been reading that display His intimate presence with His people. First, in the story of Hagar in Genesis 16 – a passage I would typically glaze over, but this time, the Lord slowed me down to show me His presence in her story. He meets her through an angel of the Lord when she flees from her circumstances – circumstances that she didn’t necessarily ask for, but somehow found herself in, painful circumstances that seem so far beyond her control. God comes to her in her pain and loneliness through an angel of the Lord and calls her by name. He meets her in her brokenness and tenderly reminds her that He already has everything worked out for her and that she would have offspring that could not be numbered. He tells her to name her son, Ishmael because the Lord has listened to her afflictions. And she responds in praise, naming the Lord El Roi, the God who sees me.
Then in Exodus 3, the Lord heard the cries of His people enslaved in Egypt and personally came down to lead them to deliverance in a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. Exodus 13:22 says, “Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people.”
God hears my afflictions, He sees me, He never leaves me, and He has gone before me and worked everything out for me. What comfort that brings when I really sit and meditate on that, but how often do I forget these truths? Instead of responding in praise and awe of who God is, I respond with grumbling and frustration with Him for circumstances I can’t see past.
These stories bring comfort in showing God’s heart to be an active participant in our lives, to be near to us, to be in intimate relationship with us, and they also point us to Jesus – God in the flesh, physically present in human experience. Hebrews 4:15 tells us, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet He did not sin.” He knows and understands ANY situation we as humans could ever experience. And because of this, He meets us with a sweet tenderness just as He met Mary and Martha after the death of their brother Lazarus.
I personally identify so much with Martha (even though I wish with every fiber of my being I was more like Mary, who loves to sit at Jesus’ feet and relish in His presence). When Jesus arrives days after the death of Lazarus, Martha tells Him, “If you had just been here, my brother wouldn’t have died.” For me, this sounds like, “If you would have just changed the circumstances, this wouldn’t hurt so badly and I wouldn’t be feeling this way.” In a way, I hear a sort of trust and blame wrapped up in one sentence. “Lord, I know that you have the power to save him.” (Trust) “But you chose not to, so it’s your fault I hurt so badly.” (Blame) How often do I have this same internal battle of trust, disappointment, and blame? But in tenderness, Jesus reminds her of the truth and asks her if she believes. His ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts. He sees and understands what we cannot see or understand.
The Lord is not unaware of my current circumstances. He is not unaware of the shame I feel, nor is he unaware of the disappointment in myself. He is not unaware of the burnout I’m feeling. He is not unaware of the spiritual dryness and numbness I’m experiencing. He is not unaware of ANYTHING I’m going through. Even if I myself can’t articulate it, He knows. In fact, He knows all of it on a much deeper level than I could ever truly understand. And although my mind tells me that things should look and feel a certain way, a way that’s vastly different from how it looks and feels right now, His Truth tells me that He will NEVER leave me or forsake me. It tells me that He has NEVER once abandoned His people and He won’t start now. It tells me that He longed nearness with me so much so that He Himself came to earth in the flesh to be the ultimate atoning sacrifice so I could be made righteous and enter into His holy presence at any moment. It tells me that He is El Roi, the God who sees me. It tells me that He is Emmanuel, God with us. It tells me He is the God who hears my affliction. It tells me He is the God of all comfort. It tells me He is Jehovah Rafa, the God who heals. He is the God whose plan was always to dwell with me and never leave my side.
And these are truths that bring me great comfort in this current season, but I also have to remember to preach them to myself each and every day because I am so quick to forget. I’m thankful that the Lord has met me with so much tenderness in the past few weeks and has been reminding me of these things.
So may we run to Jesus in our pain. May we sit in the awe of who God is and rest in His promises. May we be marked by hope, confident expectation, and active waiting. May we be present, alert, and engaged in knowing and loving God more each day, praising and worshiping Him in all circumstances, and walking in obedience. As Pastor Ronnie said in a sermon a few weeks ago, “May our broken hearts cry as a people who have hope.”
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December updates:
- We threw a surprise baby shower/Christmas dinner for our friend Hannah who is due at the end of January!
- The Powers arrived! They are already a great help around the guesthouse and are getting acclimated!
- I’ve gotten to play a little volleyball again (it’s been a while since I’ve been able to play)
- We had our staff Christmas party at city hall and it was beautiful!
- My cousin Ava came with our last group! This is her second time and I love that she has gotten to be a part of what I do! Kelsi, Ava, and I went to see the Nutcracker in the capital and I LOVED it (I’m not sure about them, but I really enjoyed it!).
- I surprised my family and came home for Christmas! It’s been two years since I’ve experienced Christmas at home. Shoutout to my friend, Heather, who helped me pull this off! She also brought Lizzie with her to the airport to pick me up which was so sweet! I surprised each of my family members and they had no idea! My mom said that her and dad were seriously contemplating surprising me by coming to Santo Domingo (which would have been very unfortunate had they actually done that)! I also got to see my godson and one of my best friends in their Christmas program at church!
- I was approved for my visa! I sent my passport to Chicago the day after I got home and am praying it arrives quickly so I can head back to the DR on my scheduled date!
Prayer requests:
- Sweet, slow time with family
- Getting my passport back in time to travel as scheduled
- Safe travels back to the DR
- Lots of good rest before our busy season
- To get back into a routine of time with the Lord and to prioritize Sabbath rest every week
